Elder Packard's Success Strategy with an Introduction by His Mother Waxing Philosophical

           
From Connely's editor:

This week I go a haircut from Connely's high school swim coach, Barb Schmuki. She told me she received a letter from him last week through the post. The letter was tender and thanked her for teaching him how to do hard things. She was a key factor in teaching Elder Packard that an average boy can do great things and that hard work wins over talent ten times over.  I have thought about this fact for the last several years. Learning to do things that are hard and gaining the skills to do that is the single most important skill a boy or girl has to obtain in order to be successful as a missionary. 

Some say that these future missionaries  just need a strong testimony and a suit.  This just makes me crazy. 

I have been a missionary and  teacher in the MTC. I have taught kids in church and schools for years.  Probably no one cares about that, but for me it has been more than two decades watching the repercussions of  some really weird fads in parenting, focused on parents thinking that it is focused on their kids.   What I have observed is that the single most important thing that kids can do to prepare to be successful in the mission field is to be able to do difficult things. The testimony and everything else, will follow. 

This generation has been spoon fed everything. They are the first ones to have been raised to believe that if they just showed up for little league practice they earned a trophy. No winning games were necessary. To be sure they developed "healthy self-esteem" we applauded them for simple tasks like doing their homework or cleaning the kitty litter box, things that used to be what we did just for the bed to sleep in and food we ate, and we made sure that their days were filled with fun, activities, sports,  and more good times, peppered with persuasion to do basic duties, and with a generous amount of mom and dad's help. We interceded when they were shortchanged or things weren't fair instead of letting them fight their own battles, and sometimes even to let them loose some battles, one of the hardest things a parent ever has to do.  

I see a few hundred of these special teens with their healthy self esteem every day, all day.. This group, in general,  is depressingly unprepared for life's challenges. They think a "B" is a "C" and earning a "C" is a big fat "F".  They know that if they complain about that C, very very nicely, that teachers will adjust the grade because they really really really superdy- dupperdy wanted it. And if not,  mom and dad will  get things squared away. I see it all the time. Not to blame teachers either. 

 The worst part of all is that many kids have learned that if they just show up and are reasonably nice kids, they have earned the "A". They have NO idea what average means. They don't understand what to earn something means. Not really.  We feared scarring their fragile self esteem by allowing them to fail, be sad, or not be rewarded for everything. We have taught them that they are super special and now they enter college and, worse, the mission, thinking they are awesome for just "showing up" to the field. They are falling apart in college. 

A good friend has told me last month that ASU now has a budget for kleenex for their academic counseling offices now because so many students are coming to seek help when they can't cope with being average, and they don't have the skills to overcome. There is so much bawling on that they have to buy excessive amounts of kleenex. Seriously.  so their parents are calling the professors and the university administration to complain. 

I happened to come upon this essay that Connely wrote a year ago about how he learned to feel good about himself, and he has talked about it many times. 

A mission is likely the hardest thing they will have ever done.  When these kids get into the mission field, they need to know that it is going to be hard and they need the skills to push through it! Packard wrote this week in a letter to home: "Nothing has prepared me for a mission more than learning to work hard."

I am forever grateful to Barb Schmuki and so many of Connely's church leaders and teachers who pushed him to do hard things in school, athletics, and scouting. I pray he will use these skills and complete the task at hand on a daily basis.
********************************************************************
Essay 2015 Connely Packard:

 "My first few days in the water freshman year were almost embarrassing. Over 80 other kids had registered for the team, and cuts were going to have to be made. I was slow, out of shape, and just another small freshman with no other sibling alumni to give credit to my name. As I entered High School, the decision to join the swim team was initially my mothers. She was convinced that the only way to keep me out of trouble was to fill up my schedule. While I resented her decision initially, I cannot help but to respect and feel grateful that she “encouraged” me to join the SMHS swim family. However, it was not up to my mother to decide whether I made the team or not. I had to earn my spot on the team through hard work and by taking risks that challenged me both physically and mentally. 

If I wanted, I could have put no effort into my already pathetic attempts to swim, and ensured that I would not make the team. However, being naturally conditioned by my father to do great things in all my efforts, I gave my best every day. My willingness to swim long distance races ensured a spot on the team for me. 

Anybody who has competed in long distance knows that it is the toughest of races. Anybody can swim long distance with the determination because it is based on physical and mental endurance, with less emphasis on technical skill. In the beginning, it is easy, almost as if you are warming up again at a steady pace. Then the burn creeps into your shoulders, with the fiery rage and conquest that ancient Achilles must have possessed as he fought the Trojans. Slowly, your blood becomes oxygen deficient, and your lungs and heart struggle to produce enough oxygenated blood to keep the muscles moving. By the end of the race, if you have performed it right, you can barely lift your arms into the gutters to hold yourself against the wall. That is only the physical struggle. Deceit becomes your only hope in those long distance races if you are going to be able to cope mentally. You have to tell yourself not to go fast in the beginning, even though you are raring to go. Not slow, but not a sprint. By the time the burn is in the shoulders, you want to slow down so that you have energy enough to finish the race. You cannot afford to give up any time, you must keep on with the same amount of determination. The third quarter of any long distance race is the hardest part. By this point, you do not feel physically capable of sustaining speed to any degree. Nevertheless, you keep going, same as before. The last bit is the most vital part of the race because it is the part that will break your time. There is a certain motivation that you get to finish the race, but just to finish, that is all. You must fake motivation not to finish the race, but to finish it faster. Any mental rebellion is cast out when you make the conscious decision to speed up. You cannot sprint a few yards, and then slow down. At whatever point you decide to speed up, you must continue, and never back down. 

I remember after every race, and still experience, a numbing of my tongue from forging an iron will to finish my races with every ounce of energy that I can summon. Every part of my body becomes rigid in order to champion my will, including my tongue. The worst part of the race is that behind every second is countless hours of practice that compose the race. An old teacher of mine often remarked that “practice does not make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect.” A perfect race requires perfect practice.

 I believe that it is such dedicated endeavors that will form the best habits I will have in order to move ahead in the race of life. I cannot afford to give any room for leisure if I want to grasp my full potential. Life does not move backwards, it moves forward, and I am forced to reach to get ahead of it. College is just the first step forward in an age of progression. If I want to succeed, I will have to utilize the determination and endurance that I learned in my swim experiences. The energetic, but composed enthusiasm that I will enter college with will bring back recollections of the beginning of every race. I will not succumb to the initial burnout because of my training with the initial burning after the beginning of all races. Late night study sessions will be supported by my unforgiving resolve that I utilized in the toughest third quarter of every race. Finally, I will finish ahead and distinguished from my peers due to my perfected skill of depleting all reserves to reach my potential. Competence and excellence will be my guides if I practice these attributes to the best way I know how. My reward will be success and a numb tongue."